*ting* *ting* *ting* *ting* *slash* *splash*

Know what that sound is? That’s Tulip playing in her water dish. Lately kitty has been messing with her water in order to get some attention. She splashes around in it. If that doesn’t get Eve or I to come, she whacks the bowl until she knocks it over and spills water everywhere. There are little, wet footprints all over the place, and water droplets all over the floor, cabinets, fridge. Punk! I’m thinking about eating her.

I told Eve to yell at her when she does it. So now I hear “KITTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!!” followed by “MMMBRRRRRT?” followed by some floor mopping, several times a day. It’s a lot like how I imagine a mental hospital to be.

I think Tulip and Eve were determined to not let me sleep last night. I went to bed before everyone else. I was dreaming away when the rest of the crew piled into bed. Kitty and Eve started playing with the birdie, which would have been cute if it weren’t 2:00 in the morning. Of course I immediately yelled at them, so we all went to sleep.

Along comes 4 AM and Tulip is messing around on Eve’s nightstand. She’s batting the lip balm around. She’s playing with the pull-chain on the lamp. She’s walking around on top of the CD player. She’s clawing at the baskets on the shelf below her. This is met with, “RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRR*#$@!!” from me. So Eve shoos her off the nightstand.

Off the nightstand she comes, and over onto me. I’m laying on my side, so she proceeds to do a wobbly balancing act on my hip. For like 5 minutes. She finally falls off and decides it’s time to investigate my nightstand now. Ting, ting, ting, creeeeek, bang, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, thud.

“KITTY!!!!!”

Tulip comes back onto the bed where she discovers the birdie which Eve had hidden under the covers. Tap, tap, tap, scratch, om, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom…

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!”

*silence*

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Oh look. Time to get up. *sigh*

Last night after I had just climbed into bed I was treated to, “The cat is behind the TV” coming from the other room. Our craptastic TV sits in a low cutout in the living room wall. The TV is quite a bit smaller than the cutout, so there are a few DVDs, some books and assorted other crap filling in the space around it. My little fur angel decided it would be fun to cram herself through the remaining tiny space to get up in the shelf behind the TV. Because apparently that’s how blind cats watch TV. From behind. By the time I got back out of bed and out to the living room she was casually strolling back out from under the TV. Punk!

This morning as I was drinking my coffee, she decided she’d give it another try. So Eve got to start off her day by hearing me yell, “Tu! Get outta there! KITTY!!!!” And so we started another fun-filled day.

Man, Tulip was wild this morning! Come to think of it, she was pretty wild last night too. She was squawking and running around the bedroom. She was batting Pom around under the bed. On the bed, off the bed, on the bed. Thank god she finally settled down.

This morning she was at it again. MREEEEOOOOOOOOW! She was spinning herself around on the bed, pouncing on nothing. I finally tossed Tiggy Tiger to her so I wouldn’t get attacked. She grabbed him and flipped herself over, right off the bed. Take it easy girl! We don’t need a visit to Dr. Cote.

Eve didn’t believe me that Tulip was getting up every morning to mess with Bob. I can’t imagine how Eve slept through kitty crinkling the plastic and me yelling at her. In any case, I told Eve I would wake her up so she could join the festivities the next morning.

Sure enough, Tulip kitty was at it the next morning.

“Evie. Tulip’s messing with Bob.”

“Whaaaa?”

“Tulip’s messing with Bob.”

“Is that what that was? I thought that was part of my dream. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…”

And so I shooed kitty away from Bob for the millionth time. She jumped up on the bed with a chirp, got a pet, then left again. As soon as I dozed off, I could hear weird scratchy noises.

“Evie. What the F is Tulip doing now?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t you hear that? What the hell is she doing?”

“She’s standing on her back legs, feeling around on top of the dresser.”

When kitty heard me sit up, she ran off. She knows I’m going to eat her soon.

When I got up on the morning, I happened to notice a new surprise on the dresser. Teeny, tiny claw marks all along the front edge. Someone could just barely reach and was trying to grab whatever she could find up there. You know what’s up there, Tu? A knuckle sandwich.

Tulip has been so naughty the last few mornings. Around 3:30 AM she gets up, goes over to Bob (our ficus tree), and starts crinkling the plastic bag we put on there to keep her out of the plant. It wakes me up, I scold her, she runs away, I lay down, she starts in all over again. One of these days I’m going to eat her for breakfast.

This morning, after playing that game for almost an hour she started making all kinds of noise. She was up on my nightstand walking around and bumping into things. Kitty! It’s sleep time! I scolded her again, so she finally came back on the bed and flopped down next to me (complete with one of her little disgusted sighs). She went to sleep just in time for the alarm clock to go off. And yes, yes I did wake her up. How’s that, kitty?

I love Tulip.

Last night I was sitting at the table doing homework. I heard Tulip building a sandcastle in the litterbox. It seemed like she was digging in there for an hour. Finally she came out of the bathroom. She zoomed around, then came up short to a screeching halt. Then she did it again, and again. I noticed that I kept hearing this weird little thumping noise every time she did it.

I finally saw her zoom past and noticed a little turd hanging from a piece of my hair, which was hanging out of her butt. Every time she stopped short, the little turd swung and bounced off the floor. Now seriously. Is this what I need? I had to get Eve to help me round her up so I could pull the damn thing off. It was just so goddamn gross. Then I spent the next 20 minutes inspecting the floor for turd marks. Happy Halloween to you too, kitty!